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Engineer Jokes
Updated on September 28, 2015 Steel Engineer extra Engineering vs Advertising and marketing
A big firm sent three engineers and three marketing reps to a convention in New York City.

The advertising guys obtained in line and bought three tickets to New York City.

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The engineers had been proper behind them in line. The advertising and marketing guys overheard because the engineers bought just one ticket.

“You cannot do that,” they mentioned to the engineers. “You need three tickets.”

“Wait and see,” said the engineers.

On the train, the conductor entered the car during which all six of them were sitting. Shortly, the engineers jumped up and piled into the restroom.

The conductor gap-punched every of the advertising and marketing males’s tickets, then knocked on the restroom door, “Tickets, please!” he shouted.

The door cracked open and an arm poked through holding a ticket. The conductor took the ticket, punched it, and returned it to the extended hand. Then, he left the automobile and walked into the next coach.

Heading Home

On the station, preparing to head home after the conference, the marketing guys instructed the engineers, “You assume you are clever. However, we are extra intelligent.”

Once again, the advertising men acquired in line forward of the engineers.

They arrived on the cashier’s window, and bought a single ticket. They moved out of the line, snickering.

The engineers just stepped out of line. They didn’t purchase any tickets.

The advertising guys stopped laughing. “Hey, you cannot try this!” they protested.

“Wait and see,” replied the engineers.

A short while later, the practice was underway, with all six of them in a single car. The conductor appeared in the window, approaching from a ahead car.

Rapidly, the marketing trio jumped up and ran into the closer bathroom, laughing and snickering.

The engineers stood and walked towards the restrooms. Considered one of them knocked on the door and stated, “Tickets, please!”

Belief Me I’m An Engineer Funny Engineering Geek Humor T-Shirt Buy Now Golf Story
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer are waiting one morning for a very gradual group of golfers.

The engineer fumes, “What’s with these guys? We will need to have been waiting for quarter-hour!”

The physician chimes in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such terrible drives.”

The pastor says, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” And, he asks the keeper, “What’s with that group in front us? They’ve been gradual all morning.”

The greens keeper answers, “Oh, yes, that’s a gaggle of blind firefighters. They misplaced their sight last yr saving kids from a burning school. The proprietor of the course let’s them play free of charge anytime they want.”

All of them look down because the greens keeper walks away.

The pastor says, “That is horrible. I’m going to pray for them tonight.”

The physician speaks next, “Good idea. And I’ll contact a world-class ophthalmologist I know and ask if anything might be completed.”

And the engineer says, “Why cannot these guys play at night time?”

An engineering student was relationship a sorority lady. One night time, he went over to her home to take her on a film date.

On the door, he fingers her a bouquet of flowers and an 8 ounce field of Belgian chocolate truffles. “Your favorites,” he says with a smile.

“Chocolates?” she says with a frown. “Chocolates! Do you know the way a lot weight I am going to achieve if I eat these chocolates!?” She is shouting.

“Oh, I do not know,” affords the engineer casually. “Half a pound?”

The best Ever Guide of Engineer Jokes: Tons and many Jokes Specifically Repurposed for You-Know-Who Purchase Now Engineer and the Lawyer
An old engineer retires and strikes out to the country to tinker in his store and develop wheat.

Sooner or later, the old engineer is on his tractor, slicing his wheat. Just as he reaches the tip of his area, a hunter shoots a duck, which then falls into the engineer’s discipline.

The engineer finds it and takes it to the tractor. Just as he reaches the tractor, the hunter arrives on the opposite aspect of the fence.

“That is my hen!” screams the man. “What are you doing? Give it to me!”

The engineer, who had deliberate on giving it to him anyway, says, “I can tell you are not from round here. In these components, if a chook falls onto your land, it’s yours.”

“You do not know who I am,” fumes the hunter. “I am a famous attorney from the city. If you do not give me that bird, I’m going to file lawsuit after lawsuit towards you until I personal all of your property.”

The engineer shuts off the tractor engine and climbs down.

“Ya do not should do all that. Round here, we received the three kicks rule, and we are able to settle this simply with that.”

Curious, the lawyer asks, “What is the three kicks rule?”

“Works like this: First, I get to kick you 3 times. Then, you get to kick me three times. We keep going, again and forth, until one in all us gives.”

The attorney is in nice form. He eyes the previous man in his dirty overalls and agrees to the contest.

“Since we’re on my property, I go first,” says the engineer.

He then kicks the lawyer square within the nuts. The lawyer doubles over, grabbing himself. The engineer then kicks the lawyer within the teeth. This sends him backward onto his rear. Finally, the engineer kicks him in the stomach, knocking all of the air out of the lawyer.

The lawyer takes a few minutes to get his wind again, and regains his feet.

“Alright, outdated man,” he says, “It’s my flip and I’m a black belt in karate!”

The outdated man begins walking back to the tractor. “Take the chicken,” he says, “I give.”

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Purchase Now Scorching Air
A man is flying in a sizzling air balloon and gets misplaced. He reduces top and spots a man in a area. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you assist me? I promised my pal I might meet him half an hour in the past, but I do not know where I’m.”

The man in the field says: “Sure. You are in a scorching air balloon, hovering roughly 30 ft above my subject.”

“You have to be an engineer,” says the hovering man, scowling.

“I’m an engineer,” solutions the man. “How can you inform?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “every part you mentioned is technically correct, however I can not do something with it.”

The engineer scratches his chin and says, “You have to be a planner.”

“Sure,” says the planner, “how might you tell?”

“Effectively,” says the engineer, “you don’t know where you’re or where you’re going. You made a promise which you failed to maintain. And, the fact is, you’re in the very same place you were in before we met, however now you’ve made it my fault.”

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An engineer and an architect are sitting collectively in a bar.

The architect lifts up his glass of Scotch and says, “Half-full or half-empty? I say it is half-full.”

The engineer scratches his chin, then solutions, “I see a liquid container over-designed by an element of two.”

Retired Consultant
An engineer retires after forty years of devoted service to his firm. A number of months after he begins tinkering in his store, the company calls him.

One in all the large machines is down, and nobody can get it working again. So, the engineer drives to the plant. They present him the machine. He does not run diagnostics and even contact any buttons. He walks across the machine, listening. Then, he takes a chunk of chalk and marks an enormous “X” on a panel.

“Your downside is behind this panel,” he tells the supervisor, after which he leaves.

The ground crew removes the panel, and positive enough, they discover a burned out connection.

Later in the week, the corporate receives an invoice from the retired engineer for $30,000. That appears high to them, so that they send an inquiry requesting an itemized listing of charges.

The engineer sent the itemization. It looked like this:

Putting ONE “X”: ………………………………………………..$1

Figuring out The place To place THE “X”: ……………………….$29,999

The company paid the invoice and the engineer by no means needed to revisit the plant once more.

Full Peak
A enterprise manager wanted to show his people about team work. So, he took them exterior and confirmed them a flagpole.

“We need to know the height of that pole,” he informed them. “You might want to work collectively to measure the height.”

A number of of the employees tried to shimmy the pole, with out success.

Lastly, the engineer walked over, pulled the pin at the bottom, and dropped the pole. Once on the bottom, the engineer measured it, base to pinnacle, wrote the number on a paper, and handed it to the manager. With that, the engineer returned to his challenge.

The supervisor, realizing his experiment failed, turned red. Before storming off, he fumed, “Similar to an engineer. Ask for the height and he gives you the size!”

Funniest Engineer Joke
Which of the jokes was funniest?

Engineering vs Marketing

Golf Story

Engineer and the Lawyer

Hot Air

Half Full

Retired Advisor

Full Top
See outcomes Golf Ball
Two successful engineers meet up at their faculty reunion and conform to 18 holes of golf. The following morning, they meet up and start playing and sharing stories of their inventions and nice designs.

The primary engineer hits his ball into tall grass on the 3rd gap.

“Ha-ha!” says the second man. “Now I’ve an opportunity to take the lead.” Earlier than he finishes, he sees the first engineer walk confidently into the grass, toward a small trail of smoke.

“No downside here,” he says, waist deep in reed grass. “This ball emits smoke when it lands in tall grass.”

At the 7th gap, the primary engineer’s drive falls in need of the inexperienced on his second stroke and plunks into a water lure.

“Oh-ho!” says his old buddy, jabbing him within the ribs with an elbow. “You’ll by no means find it now!” Earlier than he can finish laughing, he notices his buddy walk straight into the water. Then, he notices the bubbles breaking the water’s floor.

“It cannot be misplaced in water, either,” says the first engineer like a salesman. “If it is placed in water, it creates bubbles to reveal it is resting place.”

Later, after a few more beers, the first engineer smacks a high one into the wind. It is carried off course, into the timber.

“Now it actually must be misplaced, right?” says the second engineer.

“Oh, no. Watch this. Observe me, but be quiet.” As the 2 men enter the timber, they hear a noise. “beep… beep… beep…” They give the impression of being into the bushes. “There it’s,” says the first engineer with a smile. It’s wedged perfectly into the crux between the trunk of a tree and a department.

“Okay, that is it,” says the second engineer. “I must have one of these balls. The place did you buy it?”

“I did not purchase it, he says. “I discovered it.”

An engineer is walking past the secretary’s counter when she notices something unusual.

“Why do you have got a bandage on your forehead?” she asks, pointing at the large, tan gauze on his brow.

He doesn’t turn his head or even sluggish. He solely says, “I bit myself.”

“Oh,” is her gradual riposte. Then, extra quizzically, she asks, “How did you bite your self on the forehead?”

She just hears his voice trailing off as he rounds the nook into the back corridor. “I stood on a chair.”

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sendingLarry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

Great jokes.

Chris Telden three years in the past from Pacific Northwest, U.S.A.

Hey, these are actually authentic! Not the same-outdated, identical-previous. Very good things. LOVE the retired consultant one…

Dora Weithers three years in the past from The Caribbean

I always considered engineers as brainy, by no means as tough–till now. Thanks for sharing your engineer humor.

Opulent Watches 4 years ago

lol very nice pic

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